Owen's Americanization: Part 2 -- English Lessons

Yesterday, I took Owen to a birthday party, a joint celebration for two brothers, 2 and 6, born in Vietnam. Since 2-year-olds don't really have that big of a social circle, the guests were mostly friends of the 6-year-old. The parents had rented out an area museum, and there was plenty to do and see. Owen had a great time.

He also got an English lesson.

When it was pizza time I grabbed a seat at a table of 6-year-old boys and a few parents.

The boy next to me was making some kind of choking noise (imitating, as it turned out, a poisoned Chinese baby dying from tainted formula), and Owen started imitating him. The boy laughed, and then asked me what Owen's name was.

"Does he walk?" he continued.

"Yep -- he walks, runs, jumps, all that stuff," I said.

"Can he talk?"

"Yes," I explained, "But not much. He's only been in the U.S. for three months, so he's still learning English. He can say about 20 words."

The kid's dad piped in: "Hey, maybe you can teach him a new word today."

"Yes," I said. "That would be great. You can teach him a new word, and then he'll know 21 words!"

Without missing a beat, the kid said, "I've got a word to teach him: F*ck-duck."

Silence and a very careful (and difficult to maintain) non-reaction from me.

"What did you say?" the dad said.

"F*ck-duck."

I tried to be graceful. "Oh, he already knows how to say duck," I said. "That's one of his words. He just loves ducks."

"No," the kid corrected me, "F*CK-duck. F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck !!!!"

Ahem.

Luckily, Owen wasn't really paying attention.